Goblin Uprising

Six - Here we go...again.
On the death of most of the party.

Scrawled on a tree in the woods in Goblin – “If you find this; meet where we left the canoe; don’t go home.”

(Written hastily, with a charred stick) Must keep running, must keep running. Hide when I can, and keep quiet at night.

The week started out well – They came back with yet another scavenged corpse, a new (strangely named) goblin, and a mess of copper, with two new undead hench-dwarves – at least that’s something, even if the big undead bit it.

No sign of the dwarf, which is odd – we really need(ed?) that onyx. (Left him a note begging for more, asap!)

So we sat there, waiting for the Dwarf at home, paying taxes (Baughb had the bright idea to dope the coins with holy water, but didn’t get to try that) feeding (or attempting to feed) the hell hound – then Roo went off into the woods after a noise – and it all fell apart.

Humans fell upon us – fireballs everywhere, the battle cleric charging in, the polearm dude and the barbarian hacking people – naturally, I fled into the woods. Pyre tells me that Bus managed to fell one of them, but the barbarian ended him, and nearly offed Baughb, while she had her hands full with the wizard.

Half dead before the fight began from fireballs, our casters pined on the roof and poor Goreag picked off, our fighters ambushed by theirs, invisible (remember the invisible silence’d fighter trick for next time – if there is a next time). It didn’t matter that the archer kept missing, or that Goreag had an exceptional fireball – we didn’t have a chance.

Sure, the pebble worked on the cleric and kept her trapped for the battle – small comfort. Even used the witch’s signal eye – to no obvious effect.

Gorerag gone, Bus gone, Hugmug gone, the new guy gone, our tower – who knows? Sandy wandered off into the woods blind – I hope she can find us later.

…at least I have our monthly payment to the demons – can’t eat it, sadly…

Five - Hill Giants stomping!
Or - Do y'all forget completely how to optimize for cash?

The hell hound (or something, at least) appears to be eating the food!

Oh, and the party killed some Hill Giants. Nasty business. They lobbed quite a number of rocks at Barnabus… And then the undead ate them. So there are quite a lot of bones awaiting onyx in the shed out back. (And where is that darn dwarf?)

The witch had no magic bullets for the humans, so they went off to the scary death hole (approximately), mauling some ghouls and buying a pebble of…something that may just help with the cleric from the goblin trader.

Then there was an infernal dire bear… Yeah. Damage reduction, so face eating commenced. The undead bit it and Baughb nearly died, and so they camped to lick wounds and otherwise recover….

Now, let me see; that rune was ‘ahepl’? …or ‘ahpel’… Hm.

Four - On Adventuring, and purple nuts.
Bad Kitty!

Scary-face cats aren’t so scary when you can fly!

The druid and the cleric laid waste to the couple that dared pick on our poor hell hound puppy; just another sign of how much stronger we’ve gotten. They all went down to the old Hut, looking for any sign of the humans – and found it, in abundance.

So they camped, hoping the humans would come back, I suppose. They didn’t, but the ogres and bugbears that came by were amusing – why didn’t we kill the ogres? The druid’s diplomacy continues to leave us short on alcohol, with little effect. Guess I’ll brew some more fruit brandy….

Anyway, they finally found the humans, down south near their old quarry. And what a set they are! The cleric killed the weak ones, but the strong ones got away. They’re dangerously savvy – they shot at the druid’s familiar when she went to scout, and appear to have vanished into the trees. Perhaps we should hunt a bit more carefully from now on, or enlist the local animals?

Major (7-9 HD):

  • Woman in heavy metal armor, with a rising sun crest. Cleric or Paladin?

Moderate (4-6 HD):

  • Leather armor man, with a polearm – Druid?
  • Hairy man, in chainmail – a fighter or barbarian?
  • Thin man, with a goatee and no armor – wizard or sorceror?

Minor (1-3 HD):

  • Banded mail man, with the same rising sun.
  • Unarmored unremarkable man.
  • Elf! with a bow!

So, we dropped the tower on them! It was a glorious plan, using an instant pit and soften earth and stone! Except….the whole tower didn’t fall….and they weren’t in it. But still! At least we got their tax stamp. (Alan apologizes for the state of my adventuring blue balls.)

Scouting a bit – found a second owl, who claims the druid is not good enough to mate with, but no sign of the adventurers…. and the day ended with the spotting of some hill giants.

Bullet points:

  • Nuked some Crenshawr.
  • And some Bugbears. Maybe leftovers from the earlier tribe?
  • Made nice with some ogres, then sent them off to try to kill the wizard with the dire cats.
    • Probably can kill him now ourselves…
  • Found human tracks at the old hut.
  • Found humans at the old quarry down south.
  • Killed some, tried to drop tower, but the high-level adventurers are nowhere to be found.
  • No idea what’s up with the giant chest of drawers.
Three - Continued Journals of Snaga.
Honest Demons and Fleeing Nagas? Or, Here, puppy, puppy, puppy...

(Written in vaguely magical runes and a pigin of Goblin around the tower.) Those idiots. The second they’re gone, haring through the woods, the demons show up – apparently we’d only paid back taxes, and actually owe 50 a month. Thankfully, I had the silver chest lying around – too heavy to carry, to little money to be interesting. They didn’t take even a cent extra, though, which is interesting. I wonder what happens if we can’t pay them exact amounts – a gem worth 55? Do they carry change?

(As an aside – do they fly home each time? Can we track them? If they’re collecting from everyone in the valley before returning, we could knock them off on the end of their route, for hundreds, even thousands, of gold…hm.)

So, apparently they ran into a Naga, and it nearly ate them all. They chased it into it’s lair, and it charmed Bus, avoided the rest of the party, then fireballed anything that stood still. As if that wasn’t enough, it bit them so badly that they needed to beg the Elves for help, and burn a lot of our stash of alchemical plants dealing with poison.

Licking their wounds in the wood, they heard a fire giant bagpiping in the darkness. (At least, they claim this. Perhaps sketchy herbs? Who knows.) Hm. About that time, an emaciated hellhound snuck in to steal food – I wonder if that’s related? Ah well; left him some food out back.

The dwarf had interesting news – The humans sent a ‘bunch of individually capable’ humans to deal with the ‘Tiny Elf’ menace – we asked that he misdirect them to the beach cabin, but we will have to deal with them…later.

They made some more undead, and charged down to thump the Naga, at which point we discovered she’d roped in an Ettin, and we pulped it. Obliterated might be more accurate. (Also, we really need to find some way to shield the Druid from magic – some per day invisibility perhaps?) The Naga fled, so we looted, and ran – ah, Goblins.

- Nagas suck. But more big undead thump them well.
- Humans starting to hunt tiny Elves.
- Demons are super honest. And we’d only paid back taxes. New receipt!
- Didn’t kill the Naga, but did get her loot and mulch the Ettin she had there.
- Maybe befriend the hellhound? And definitely kill the humans.
- Maybe get better at crafting?

Two - The Journal of Snaga, Omniscient Narratrix.
(Or, the Druid and the Hot Spring)

I don’t see why we try these half-baked schemes – they never go well. They tell me they spent all this effort sneaking up on this longhouse, only to try to convince the goblins living in it that ‘the daemons had made their lawn go all wonky’, and the random goblins showing up outside just happened by, and, oh, look! They can help with that pesky lawn…. Yeah.

Turns out, however, that, in addition to not being that gullible, they’re actually pretty genial – glassblowers for the local ‘cat wizard’ – our invisible-tower flying carpet guy. [The cat-man apparently protects the valley.] And they were nice enough to trade – they like alcohol, unsurprisingly.

Galumphing on south-ward – the Druid’s sundries scouted the Elves, and, rather than giving us information about them – the wolf rolled over for belly skritches (they have a Druid of their own, who was apparently more persuasive than ours, talking to Roo). A little more reliable scouting from the Druid discovered that the Elf village has two higher-level folks, but is otherwise just a peaceful bunch of folks (with magical toys – arrows, an amulet, and a circlet) that we decided to leave unmolested. (Yes, they pay taxes, too.)

The Elves put us onto an ancient mansion with a Yellow Musk Creeper – which we promptly ransacked, stole creeper-pods from, and torched. Two nasty little plant-Trolls, which we mauled (the Barbarian Smash!) and salvaged for bones.

Sadly, the Elves knew nothing of Vampires or Rustmonsters. So we’re back to the dwarf, really.


  • Longhouse is glassblower goblins. Will trade for booze.
  • We’re waiting on a full alchemy set from them – 150 GP for the druid’s toys – one week wait.
    • Super expensive toys, this druid. :P
  • Cat-faced wizard lives in the tower – we sent him a note that we’d like to trade with him.
  • The Elves don’t like us, and don’t know of any other Elves.
    • They do, however, like the druid (mostly).
  • Minor magical hot spring in the elf camp – and 20-odd elves, two with meaningful levels.
  • South, ancient ruined mansion, which we mostly torched to kill the yellow musk creeper.
  • Got a bunch of plants and booze from there.
One - The journals of Snaga, the Survivor
On fishing, Hill Giant snogging, and things not to desecrate.


After we killed off the harpy’s minions, she (sensibly) is nowhere in sight. The birds work for her, apparently; little informants in the trees (but the druid may see to turning them to a more useful purpose). After that rock-slide, I’m not going with the party – better to stay here, where it’s safe, yes, safe…..well, sort of. The tax demons may…no, better not to think about them coming by.

Steve (the hippogriff) is back in his stable, seeming suitably abashed at his following the harpy into the woods.

Notes from later in the week (from the party):

Generally, just waiting to get the supplies from the Dwarf before venturing into Furion’s lair (or, what we think is his lair). Count me out. I’ve survived too much to go poking my head into mystic death holes.

Went to see the Orcs that Pyre noticed in the woods. Or rather, the Orc – apparently, he and Baughb had a fascinating conversation about fish and mushroom wine in broken Goblin (this despite Gorag speaking perfect Orcish) – He’s been here for three moons, and came from off the island originally; seems nice enough, for an Orc. The longhouse belongs to a woodcutter family we left mostly unmolested (they pay less taxes than us! Only 10 gold, so we took some peaches, and informed them they’d paid the ‘Kobold Tax’).

Killed off a basilisk – I don’t know what the hype was about, but Pyre seems pleased with the alchemical nasty bits – and another thing off the witch-list (she seemed very out of sorts this visit – I wonder why?)

One of the grimlocks showed up – no luck with their cave/Underdark so far, so we pointed them to the kobold’s caves. They promised to keep an eye out for any rustmonster bits (or Vampires and/or Elves) – friendly little blind fellows – and their wine packs quite a wallop. (Note to self: Work on setting noisemaker traps all around the tower the next time the party wanders off).

There’s an shrine to some god or another – font of holy water, if you like that sort of thing. Nice to perhaps use on those demons, later. Not like we can make any, ourselves, so let’s keep it for now.

Found and searched the horse statue, killing off a cockatrice on the way, but nothing remarkable, really. Heading down to the alleged Elves (why a party of sensible goblins would go looking for Elves is beyond m-…oh, wait, I did say ‘sensible’ didn’t I? Never mind). Then encountered some hill giants (Note: Not Ogres. Ogres are just meaner, bigger Orcs – they can barely lift most boulders. Hill giants throw boulders. For fun!) Luckily, they seemed more interested in each other – in a most unnaturally wet-sounding way. Ew. They did say they’d found some ore of note, though – perhaps looting them later would be advisable? Nasty business – amazingly strong (more than the Minotaurs, or the Trolls; we would want a potent poison for these).

Further south, came to a long house with smoke curling from the chimney – left that alone for now. Pyre says she’s seen a cluster of huts that look promising for the Elves, in the direction the adventurers mentioned – hopefully, we can skin one fairly easily, and be down to only two things needed for the witch – the Rustmonster and the Vampire.

RaaahhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaGHHHH! (Now, I'm pissed off.)

By the pit! We’ll eat them alive for this! /Ahem/ We gots ta begin at da beginning.

We was roamin along, eatin and squishin grots (da cats taste dam gud, even if dey do make da scream face lots). Da last ting dat wants to eated us was da humies, so we hadta squish ‘em, too. (Gotta squish all the humies, else dey come back. Like Ma’s toe grot, they is.)

So da tree-hugger made with the poisons (never eatin’ her cookin, ever), and we waited; even shiv’d a couple a humies that came into da trees. Was gonna bonk one and make ‘em think plague killed da rest, so dey wouldn’t send more (brainy plan from da leaf-girl), but dey just hit in da fort.

So we snuck up on ‘em. Dat magic guy makes it so dey can’t see me, and I speak excellent human, so we arranged for a pyrotechnic distraction on the opposite side of the fort and I climbed the /cough/ climbed da wallz and bash da gard in da tower. Da rest of the greens were climbin da wall, but da humies sees us, and dey womped on our heds. Da tree-witch came out of da mists right into da fighter-bad, and he skooshed her. Poor leaf gurl. mebbe I put you bak together again….hm….which way does da noze go?

We wuz gonna flee, but Bus skooshed him right back, and we gots da gate open (da gate…with da undead beasties outside), so we womped dem. Dey got a flyin gurl that spits holy lightning, and de good bone-kin didn’t like dat (poor bonie #1), but we torched da place good, grabbed all da stuff and charged off into da wuds (coverin da traks, course). Gots to go bak and skoosh da rest. Dat cleric, specially.

Bak at da tower, sortin tha loots. Now, where is da un-undead-em kit….


- Killed some howler/fear cats.
- Went to go whomp on some humans that Pyre poisoned.
- Pyre bought it to a critical from a 7th-lv fighter.
- Sandy and Barnabus then each got a critical of their own, and fighter is now goo.
- The Magic-user appears to no longer be there. They clearly have a Good-aligned cleric, now…should be able to detect her, easy, but must keep in mind that she can detect me, too.
- Didn’t get all of them. ~4 of the low-ranking ones fled, and the caster, too.
- We really should have eaten the human bodies. Free food, eh.
- On the way back home, ran into some more fear cats. Scared them off? At any rate, they didn’t attack. )

Ramblings by Baughb
Because vengeance tastes best cold.

- Realized that the wizard map is upside-down, now headed off to the ‘Way is Open’ marker.
- Steve came back. Baughb is jealously guarding him from those who would feed him.
- Saw winged humanoids (not harpies) off to the North (near the castle). Witch mentioned that that’s where ‘ass-hat’ the demon lives.
- Witch gave us a means to phone her in case of emergency.
- No sign of the bugbears. Worrisome.

Killed the minotaur, and lopped off his bits for good measure. Sell to the dwarf. Vengeance is ours. :)

Alas poor Bernie

Met and discussed trolls and dwarves with the witch. She gave us anti-troll poison.
The witch wants a bugbear exterminator. There are eight bugbears, one of them a wizard. The bugbears are vicious and sometimes clever. They are to the north of the hut, past a draw and a narrow pass. There is a large field of stones further north (where the witch lives), and then past that, straight north and uphill, about six miles: you’ll head over a peak and down the other side. About four miles past the peak is the bugbear camp. However perhaps better to go around the peak because a harpy lives on it. So turn northeast instead, past a ruined village, rounding the mountain til the peak is due south, then head north. The ruined village is about a mile, maybe two, from the stone fields.
The gobs resolved to head home, prepare, and attempt to provide the trolls with a Trojan Deer the next evening.
However on the first night, a cockatrice came by the cave and went to sleep in its primary chamber. The goblins were dubious about permitting a cockatrice to live in their cave, and resolved to slay it. They did so successfully and without significant difficulty. They cut off its head and mounted it on a stick, although it doesn’t seem to turn animals into stone any more.
The next day the goblins wrapped some crossbow bolts in pitch (to make flaming arrows) and tried to move in the direction of the trolls, getting somewhat lost along the way. they tracked and killed a deer, cut off a rear haunch and stuffed the poison into it. They then tracked down the trolls, and set them on fire. The trolls died.
Investigation revealed a jug of mysterious liquid and:

  • medium banded mail
  • medium studded leather armor
  • 2x medium leather armor
  • 5 jars of troll pee
  • leather making apparatus, including drying racks and vats.
  • pile of copper coins (ash-covered)
  • two flails missing handles
  • a bunch of arrow heads
  • spearhead
  • miscellaneous metal shards
  • tweezers

The goblins went in search of the trader dwarf, passing a mysterious obelisk with horns. They saw a bird-like creature in the sky which they assumed was a harpy, and hid from.

They met the dwarf hermit in the ruined village on the northeast mountain. The dwarf was relatively friendly (ie less hostile than usual). The goblins traded their excess armor in exhange for a promise of flour and sugar and baking supplies and onyx in two weeks’ time. The dwarf provided some answers also: Winecrest is 30 miles to the west of the dwarf and contains humans that will kill goblins. Kraksis the demon is an asshole. The mysterious obelisk of the canyon belongs to a kobold.

From the Dwarf’s peak, we could see: The sea to the east. Peak of the big moutnain to the SW. Another mountain to the northwest, somewhat smaller. (Kraksis may live somewhere near there.) There’s a hollow with a lake to the due north. A smaller peak to the north-north-east. There’s a tower type thing on the tower, so the curious goblins headed in its direction. They passed a strange beetle-looking-like creature of great badassitude on the way, but avoided it. Later, after making camp, they heard a sound of slapping and grunting coming from the woods. It turned out to be two ettins fighting each other. bernie led them back to the shark-beetle thing and got it to kill one of the ettins. The beetle was frightened by a Doom spell and fled. In a fight, the ettin killed bernie. The goblins doubled back to the dead ettin and retrieved its brains, then cremated Bernie’s remains.

Made camp.

Session 16: A New Baughb

A necromantic-nature cleric named Baughb (no relation) arrived at the goblin fort while the goblins were crafting and training. He initially made an arrogant nuisance of himself, and nearly got thrown out of the fort, but seems to have settled down.

The goblins spent the next few days making crossbows and hunting using the Druidic method – they turned a bear and a boar into jerky and animated skeletons.

While they were out one afternoon, the human soldiers arrived at the goblin fort. They moved the crossbar for the gate somehow and caused it to open apparently by itself. Snaga, who was the only one in the fort at the time, ran for the priest hole and escaped out the back as the soldiers entered the fort. She ran into the woods and hid. The soldiers burned the fort down. The wolves were present in their ‘den’ at the time, and Snaga doesn’t know what happened to them.

The rest of the tribe returned while the fort was still ablaze, and Bernie used Pyrotechnics and the conflagration to create the biggest flash-bang ever, thereby extinguishing the fire. The goblins picked through the ruins to retrieve what they could – Pyre’s alchemical equipment had miraculously survived, and the digging tools were intact – and high-tailed it for the bat cave, obscuring their tracks behind them.

They spent a couple more days working on crossbows, and set Baughb’s skeletal bear to digging a back exit to the cave, using a mining pick strapped to its forearm. They investigated the well in the back of the cave, which turned out to be entirely mundane. They also went down to the blockhouse to leave the witch a note, and found one she’d already left for them; she’d been by once already, on the full moon, but an appendix to the original note claimed she’d return four days later – tomorrow, at the time the goblins found her note.

We ended play as the goblins were preparing to set out in full force to meet the witch.


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