Goblin Uprising

Seventeen - In which deals are made and some goblins get a new home.
The Office of Goblin Revenue

One might expensive extra-planar phone call (Borgletuly the imp is a scam artist, I tell ya), and we were face to, er, flames, with Alhazab himself – who the witch seems to know. A little too well, if you know what I mean.

He seems rather pointedly uninterested in this whole plane – but he was willing to make his lads go ‘poof’ in return for the gem, so hey, even if we didn’t cut a Devil’s deal, we got out ahead! No more Kraksis.

Agatha and her mother mauled the ogres who’d tried to take over the office of material revenue – and we scored! One loose paving stone later, and we have our own golem-defended-bank. Never mind that Furion appeared worried about a Dragon-worshipping kobold cult, or that there’s illithids on the island, more elves, a fire giant forge out there somewhere (new trading partners?), archer gnolls in the wild, kobolds all over the isle we should kill off, or that the adventurers are still looking for us…

…nope, no reason to worry about any of that. We’ve got a lovely new tower and castle set!

Furion knew a thing or two about fortresses, let me tell you. I just need to move my forge up here, and we can crank out some real toys with the massive pile of gold we’re sitting on.

….now why would a wizard have a fortress for no obvious reason, with no spire or lab, out in the wilds?

Sixteen (Never mind that last one)
GIANT RUBY - That is all.

In the face of almost certain maimery by the humans, the noble goblins turned tail and fled, leaving a note pointing the ‘Rapid Response Squad’ (more on that later) toward the wizard-cat, and the sheep alone in the field. (And I was so looking forward to a nice mutton lettuce and tomato, where the mutton is sliced ever so thin…mmm…ahem)

Fleeing a bit, we passed a giant Grey guy playing music in the woods to a bunch of Gnolls – left them unmolested in the hopes they might slow the humans a bit. Pyre went to spy on the humans, and found a couple tidbits:

  • They have an insultingly low bounty on us, and the adventurers are still out there trying to claim it.
  • ….said bounty has no description or identifying marks, other than that some of us are of us are spellcasters and we’re mid-level. We could absolutely find some patsy goblins, dress them up a bit, and split the bounty with the dwarf…
  • Hansel – Bishop of his sunshininess – church figure of some import, and means the local cleric garrison is non-trivial.
  • This is a royal colony (King Edwin) they’re looking to grow – they’ve recently cleared the area of all dangerous humanoids.
  • Rapid Response Squad – A elite squad of military and local adventurers, at least 10, Many in chain and cloth – seems to be a solid mix of classes of pain.
  • This town is a military colony – 1000+ civilians, but 100s of military. Must be heavily supply-line dependent.

The witches’ mother gives me the willies – Night Hags steal souls, and they don’t even pay you for them!

But.None.Of.That.Is.Important, because Ruuuuuuby! The witch tricked the Formorian into thinking he hadn’t buried the ruby deep enough – after he checked on it, we dug it up and high-tailed it back to the witch’s, giant glowing soul gem in tow.

Bullet points:

  • Dodged the humans. Nyah-nyah! Pointed them to the Rakshasa (Wizard-Cat – Far more badass than we should ever mess with).
  • Ran into grey guy +gnolls in the woods. Avoided.
  • Pyre spied on the humans, but may have tipped them off that someone was there.
  • We came up with a nifty trick to use light pebbles as a means of 1-bit emergency signalling. Theoretically could use this to bypass restrictions on sending information at trans-light speed.
  • Witch is going to warn Wizard-cat about impending humans.
  • We should ransom some other goblins as the ‘deadly tiny elves’ – via the dwarf?
  • Witch helped us trick the Formorian into going to the ruby.
  • We now have the ruby, and are on our way to the witch’s, with the witch (who’s mother is actually a Night Hag).

Five foot feet, left normal, right club. Wandered around down in the sinkhole a lot. No obvious exit.

Scrabbled up the out.

Giant? Blue guy?

Witch thinks that this might have been Furion’s.

Toersg studies ring.

Two parts old part and recent elaborations.
Old part was prevent possession and domination.
New part (years to couple months) prevent detection

Hole is weeks/months old.

Four-fifteen - Unda Da Sea!
Aquatic acrobatics and you!

(Quick summary of last time.)
- Killed undead things
- Stole from wyverns, got some good alchemy and scrolls.
- Bus got to second base. An undead beastie macked on him.

I swear, those people can’t decide whether to kill it, eat it, or make friends with it. Why go to all the trouble to feed the wyverns only to kill them?

Come here, hold this. If we’re fleeing, we’re doing it properly.

Look, the wyverns, all right, fine. But Baughb is a negative channeling cleric. What business did that idiot have getting into a slap-fight with wraiths? Lucky the whole party didn’t die; and they didn’t even get any loot!

The chimera in the woods was just adding insult to injury. At least Hugmug put a few good arrows into it.

Quick bullets:

  • Killed 4/6th of the wyverns and looted not much from them.
  • We tied a rope to a wyvern and the cave baddie (9+HD) pulled it over the edge.
  • Dark shapes in shark cave – Shadows?
  • Serious CON damage.
  • Grabbed rope and ran.
  • Got advice from divine entity to make sunlight.
  • Hugmug pissed off a Chimera in the woods.
  • The witch still owes us the potions.
Thirteen - In which Snauga is entirely too close to the action for her taste.
On taunting Demons...

Someone finally found a use for an aquatic combat shape, as a druid? Well, that’s something you don’t see every day. Seems the druid cut large holes in their boat as a porpoise, and lit it on fire to boot – shame they didn’t all die, but the loot was really quite nice.

And look at this anchor! Good metal. I can’t believe they drug it all the way back here.

I’m glad they stopped by really I am, but I’d rather not be this close to ground zero for their demon plot – so what if the witch thinks attacking the demons disguised as humans and elves is a great idea, I don’t.

Drubbing some human peasants and convincing them that the demons did it? Sure. Easy, even. Idiots will believe a demon caused their cow to go lame. But we clearly also have to thump the tax collectors themselves, right on my doorstep.

Sigh At least they won. Hopefully the demons were fooled. Now, help me carry this…

- Pyre sank the boat with great awesome, and we scored some loot. Sadly, the adventurers clearly survived, and made it back to town.
- We cached out with the dwarf, and found out that the magic hammer is pretty good at crafting.
- We learned that the humans may have a full on army elsewhere (Also, we were wrong, that was Waincrest, per the witch).
- The witch helped us disguise as humans to attack the tax collector demons, who we killed one of, drove off the rest, then fled.
- The plan is to repeat this with the humans, and then go underground (into the Wizard-hole) with the witch while the humans and demons fight.
- We really, really need to make Bus something to make his Will suck less. He got charmed out of the battle in one round.

Elev-welve - Ettins and Dead 'umans!
How to serve man - usually with potatoes!

They what? Ok, the Ettins, I can understand – killing random monsters in the woods is just good policy, but how many times were they going to try to sneak down that lava tube and catch the humans by surprise?

At least (after that failed, repeatedly and spectacularly), they tried luring them out, too. When that didn’t work, Pyre got the bright idea to sneak in through the arrow slits as a tiny owl – she slit their alarm rope, then popped the door, and ran like hell!

Bus, Baughb, and the other head-smashers pounced, and beat the daylights out of the person who happened to be on guard – by a stroke of luck, the one carrying the bauble for the witch. A daring escape later, and the party was out in the woods, a lot of their stuff back.

Frankly, I can’t believe it worked.

The demons came by for tax…disturbing. They claim the grimlocks have less than two weeks to pay or vacate. Perhaps we should try killing them?

What with one thing and another, the humans did manage to get to the boat, though. Pyre slowed them down with a cleverly placed wood shape – did you know she can turn into a porpoise? On purpose, even!


  • Eleventh chronicle went mostly missing. Lots of unsatisfying psuedo-raids on the humans in their cave with no good plan,
  • Killed some ettins in the woods.
  • Pyre snuck into the human camp and popped the door.
  • We killed the Barbarian and got the Witch’s bauble back.
  • Demons are trying to tax the grimlocks – grimlocks plan to flee.
  • Pyre shaped a hole into the boat, but it wasn’t enough to sink them.
  • We probably need to figure out how to sink the boat.
Ten - Imp, Begone!
Squishy, squishy; you into goo!

Of course the imp works for Kraksis! This should be obvious! I mean, the Wizard- (no, get the blue runes. The red ones tend to explode…) -the Wizard made an infernal pact with Kraksis and an imp just happens to be there after? Yeah, should have seen that one coming.

They broke into Furion’s lab and made off with a bunch of his stuff, through a Druid-made hole in the wall. The lab revealed Furion’s spell book, and his plans (as well as some valuable notes) – he cut an infernal deal with Kraksis, and is trying to get out of it by hiding his soul….in a giant ruby. The same giant ruby we’ve been looking for.

They left the dungeon – casually mauling a pair of Ettins and looting them. The witch was hospitable, as usual, but seemed instantly incensed when we mentioned the imp – pointing out what should have been obvious – the imp works for the baddie -….so we killed him, messily, and nearly instantly.

Now we have a plan – use the gem to show Kraksis’ boss that Kraksis can’t be trusted to deliver what he’s owed. Even better, the witch knows where there’s a tomb that sounds like the one Furion went after.

However, she requires we fetch back her signal eye first – we’re crouching down near where the harpy was, waiting for her to help us challenge them.

Nine - Drug deals, and Imps gone bad?
How to cut a deal, goblin-style.

So much metal, so many runes. Grimlock 5, hold that. No, no, up a little. Right…there. Stay. Hm. This one seems to like fire. Interesting.

So, finally past the golem, it seems. Unseen servant revealed the mage’s fondness for musical golems – as long as you keep the golem playing, all is good.

On, to find a couple of interesting storerooms, and an illusion or two, then the Imp behind it all. He used to be Furion’s right hand, it seems – though Furion never let him in the lab (and we might do well to keep him out of it, as well). Got some interesting stories out of him – Furion disappeared after going seeking some circle of power business – and a long night in the lab. Perhaps Furion let Kraksis in, struck a deal with him, or is Kraksis, himself? (Furion seems too much the stoner for that last.)

He shuts up whenever we get to a sensitive subject, though.

And an infernal pact; lovely. If Baughb has any say in it, it wont be the last one.


  • Cut a deal with the (druggie) imp – he gets to see what’s in the lab, and helps us not die.
  • Imp desperately wants to know what Furion got up to with ‘the circle’ – possibly the circle where we found Hugmug?
  • The imp had some very interesting things to say.
    • Krack-ass is something he won’t talk about. Neither is the contract he had with Furi-pants.
    • Furion’s disappearance definitely related to Kraksis.
    • Furion came in mumbling about how he must finish – work stuff. Got high, and got gone.
    • See other notes on character sheet.
  • We can cut infernal deals with the Imp….
  • Already checked the witch list with the Imp – no luck.
Eight - Negotiation, 101.
How to hoodwink and be hoodwinked, by R. Swindoll.

The following mumbled to a Grimlock under his breath: Under-whatsits? They just charge right in, and can’t even speak with them. Grumble, grumble Should have brought me along. grumble

Anyway, I hear they got the undead melted, like they do. Ran all the way back to the tower for more bones – at least the humans hadn’t ground them up or anything. They were all ready to eviscerate the poor little gmome-ish whatsit, too – I hear the gods were quite smug at the amount of trouble they’d caused us with just a little specialized critter….

…and then they made friends. With some very elaborate pantomime, the group managed to convince the under-whatsits to trade a map for not dying – heck, they even got Pyre’s crossbow returned, with enough bribes of alcohol.

Rested, mapped, and ready to attack the doom-rats? And magical instruments? And Imp? What kind of a lair is this, anyway?


  • Got taken for a ride by some very impish folks who can cast deeper darkness at will.
  • They speak Undercommon, exclusively.
  • We accidentally got the undead killed (Sad! need more hill giant corpses…or fire giants?)
  • Then we made friends, and got a map out of it. Cranium rats, stone golems, and stoner imps? Oh, my.
  • We now know how to turn on the heater and where the fire traps are.
Seven - The Hole of Almost Certain Death, Pt. I
How I learned to stop worrying and love the undead.

Run and hide, run and hide, run and hi-oh, it’s you, Pyre. Where’s Baughb? You sure the humans aren’t back at the tower anymore? And Baughb can stick ’em back together? Oh, um, but I have urgent…stuff…to do….far away? Oh, um, no, not back that way.

Oh, ok, I’ll help get the others.

[After some creative fleeing and some even more creative methods of finding each other in the woods, we all found each other at last – the humans appear to have run off, scared away, no doubt, by the arrival of the witch and her mother (who appear to be far more than they seem – flaming death-horse riding slate-grey humanoids capable of dealing serious damage.]

We recovered the sad bodies of our peers – all stripped of all magical gear, though they left us the mundane. We’ll need a whole mess of pants and earplugs to compensate for that. Hm. Perhaps I could write them some runes to help? A little engraving project or two? Later, later. Baughb glued them back together, and all is mostly well again.

They even stole the witch’s signal eye, though none of the valuables in the basement. The witch claims that we hurt them a lot, though I think we got the worst of it. (Understandably, the witch wants it back.) We made off with what we could carry, and hid in the bat caves for the night. The next day – the dwarf! The dwarf is back! We have our towering undead again!

…but the humans burned most everything we had in the base of the tower. Sad. I’m staying with the grimlocks now – they’re friendly, can’t work their own smithy, and really make good wine.

Trouped sadly off into the woods, and soundly thwacked some ettercaps – the goblins they were trying to eat have joined us, and we found a suspicious hole in the ground. Apparently, ‘Pervium Est’ opens literal doors, and the party is in!

Bullet point version:

  • Regrouped in woods.
  • Witch and her mom turn out to have pet nightmares.
  • Humans ran off, but have witch’s eye – witch can find them again for us.
  • Witch wants eye back.
  • Got Onyx and undead again! But humans burned/took all our loot. (And they killed Steve.)
  • Witch says their relief ship is not expected for a while.
  • Plan is to raid Furion’s lair, then go after humans. (Need another pebble!)
  • Found another goblin village and some new recruits (cannon and fodder) (Gurgle and Something.)
  • Opened the hidden door – ‘the way is open’.
  • Probably want to get a level or two (Bus back to two attacks, Wizard casting 3rd level spells, and Cleric and Druid casting 4th).
  • Explosive runes cheese, perhaps?

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