Goblin Uprising

Nine - Drug deals, and Imps gone bad?
How to cut a deal, goblin-style.

So much metal, so many runes. Grimlock 5, hold that. No, no, up a little. Right…there. Stay. Hm. This one seems to like fire. Interesting.

So, finally past the golem, it seems. Unseen servant revealed the mage’s fondness for musical golems – as long as you keep the golem playing, all is good.

On, to find a couple of interesting storerooms, and an illusion or two, then the Imp behind it all. He used to be Furion’s right hand, it seems – though Furion never let him in the lab (and we might do well to keep him out of it, as well). Got some interesting stories out of him – Furion disappeared after going seeking some circle of power business – and a long night in the lab. Perhaps Furion let Kraksis in, struck a deal with him, or is Kraksis, himself? (Furion seems too much the stoner for that last.)

He shuts up whenever we get to a sensitive subject, though.

And an infernal pact; lovely. If Baughb has any say in it, it wont be the last one.


  • Cut a deal with the (druggie) imp – he gets to see what’s in the lab, and helps us not die.
  • Imp desperately wants to know what Furion got up to with ‘the circle’ – possibly the circle where we found Hugmug?
  • The imp had some very interesting things to say.
    • Krack-ass is something he won’t talk about. Neither is the contract he had with Furi-pants.
    • Furion’s disappearance definitely related to Kraksis.
    • Furion came in mumbling about how he must finish – work stuff. Got high, and got gone.
    • See other notes on character sheet.
  • We can cut infernal deals with the Imp….
  • Already checked the witch list with the Imp – no luck.
Eight - Negotiation, 101.
How to hoodwink and be hoodwinked, by R. Swindoll.

The following mumbled to a Grimlock under his breath: Under-whatsits? They just charge right in, and can’t even speak with them. Grumble, grumble Should have brought me along. grumble

Anyway, I hear they got the undead melted, like they do. Ran all the way back to the tower for more bones – at least the humans hadn’t ground them up or anything. They were all ready to eviscerate the poor little gmome-ish whatsit, too – I hear the gods were quite smug at the amount of trouble they’d caused us with just a little specialized critter….

…and then they made friends. With some very elaborate pantomime, the group managed to convince the under-whatsits to trade a map for not dying – heck, they even got Pyre’s crossbow returned, with enough bribes of alcohol.

Rested, mapped, and ready to attack the doom-rats? And magical instruments? And Imp? What kind of a lair is this, anyway?


  • Got taken for a ride by some very impish folks who can cast deeper darkness at will.
  • They speak Undercommon, exclusively.
  • We accidentally got the undead killed (Sad! need more hill giant corpses…or fire giants?)
  • Then we made friends, and got a map out of it. Cranium rats, stone golems, and stoner imps? Oh, my.
  • We now know how to turn on the heater and where the fire traps are.
Seven - The Hole of Almost Certain Death, Pt. I
How I learned to stop worrying and love the undead.

Run and hide, run and hide, run and hi-oh, it’s you, Pyre. Where’s Baughb? You sure the humans aren’t back at the tower anymore? And Baughb can stick ’em back together? Oh, um, but I have urgent…stuff…to do….far away? Oh, um, no, not back that way.

Oh, ok, I’ll help get the others.

[After some creative fleeing and some even more creative methods of finding each other in the woods, we all found each other at last – the humans appear to have run off, scared away, no doubt, by the arrival of the witch and her mother (who appear to be far more than they seem – flaming death-horse riding slate-grey humanoids capable of dealing serious damage.]

We recovered the sad bodies of our peers – all stripped of all magical gear, though they left us the mundane. We’ll need a whole mess of pants and earplugs to compensate for that. Hm. Perhaps I could write them some runes to help? A little engraving project or two? Later, later. Baughb glued them back together, and all is mostly well again.

They even stole the witch’s signal eye, though none of the valuables in the basement. The witch claims that we hurt them a lot, though I think we got the worst of it. (Understandably, the witch wants it back.) We made off with what we could carry, and hid in the bat caves for the night. The next day – the dwarf! The dwarf is back! We have our towering undead again!

…but the humans burned most everything we had in the base of the tower. Sad. I’m staying with the grimlocks now – they’re friendly, can’t work their own smithy, and really make good wine.

Trouped sadly off into the woods, and soundly thwacked some ettercaps – the goblins they were trying to eat have joined us, and we found a suspicious hole in the ground. Apparently, ‘Pervium Est’ opens literal doors, and the party is in!

Bullet point version:

  • Regrouped in woods.
  • Witch and her mom turn out to have pet nightmares.
  • Humans ran off, but have witch’s eye – witch can find them again for us.
  • Witch wants eye back.
  • Got Onyx and undead again! But humans burned/took all our loot. (And they killed Steve.)
  • Witch says their relief ship is not expected for a while.
  • Plan is to raid Furion’s lair, then go after humans. (Need another pebble!)
  • Found another goblin village and some new recruits (cannon and fodder) (Gurgle and Something.)
  • Opened the hidden door – ‘the way is open’.
  • Probably want to get a level or two (Bus back to two attacks, Wizard casting 3rd level spells, and Cleric and Druid casting 4th).
  • Explosive runes cheese, perhaps?
Six - Here we go...again.
On the death of most of the party.

Scrawled on a tree in the woods in Goblin – “If you find this; meet where we left the canoe; don’t go home.”

(Written hastily, with a charred stick) Must keep running, must keep running. Hide when I can, and keep quiet at night.

The week started out well – They came back with yet another scavenged corpse, a new (strangely named) goblin, and a mess of copper, with two new undead hench-dwarves – at least that’s something, even if the big undead bit it.

No sign of the dwarf, which is odd – we really need(ed?) that onyx. (Left him a note begging for more, asap!)

So we sat there, waiting for the Dwarf at home, paying taxes (Baughb had the bright idea to dope the coins with holy water, but didn’t get to try that) feeding (or attempting to feed) the hell hound – then Roo went off into the woods after a noise – and it all fell apart.

Humans fell upon us – fireballs everywhere, the battle cleric charging in, the polearm dude and the barbarian hacking people – naturally, I fled into the woods. Pyre tells me that Bus managed to fell one of them, but the barbarian ended him, and nearly offed Baughb, while she had her hands full with the wizard.

Half dead before the fight began from fireballs, our casters pined on the roof and poor Goreag picked off, our fighters ambushed by theirs, invisible (remember the invisible silence’d fighter trick for next time – if there is a next time). It didn’t matter that the archer kept missing, or that Goreag had an exceptional fireball – we didn’t have a chance.

Sure, the pebble worked on the cleric and kept her trapped for the battle – small comfort. Even used the witch’s signal eye – to no obvious effect.

Gorerag gone, Bus gone, Hugmug gone, the new guy gone, our tower – who knows? Sandy wandered off into the woods blind – I hope she can find us later.

…at least I have our monthly payment to the demons – can’t eat it, sadly…

Five - Hill Giants stomping!
Or - Do y'all forget completely how to optimize for cash?

The hell hound (or something, at least) appears to be eating the food!

Oh, and the party killed some Hill Giants. Nasty business. They lobbed quite a number of rocks at Barnabus… And then the undead ate them. So there are quite a lot of bones awaiting onyx in the shed out back. (And where is that darn dwarf?)

The witch had no magic bullets for the humans, so they went off to the scary death hole (approximately), mauling some ghouls and buying a pebble of…something that may just help with the cleric from the goblin trader.

Then there was an infernal dire bear… Yeah. Damage reduction, so face eating commenced. The undead bit it and Baughb nearly died, and so they camped to lick wounds and otherwise recover….

Now, let me see; that rune was ‘ahepl’? …or ‘ahpel’… Hm.

Four - On Adventuring, and purple nuts.
Bad Kitty!

Scary-face cats aren’t so scary when you can fly!

The druid and the cleric laid waste to the couple that dared pick on our poor hell hound puppy; just another sign of how much stronger we’ve gotten. They all went down to the old Hut, looking for any sign of the humans – and found it, in abundance.

So they camped, hoping the humans would come back, I suppose. They didn’t, but the ogres and bugbears that came by were amusing – why didn’t we kill the ogres? The druid’s diplomacy continues to leave us short on alcohol, with little effect. Guess I’ll brew some more fruit brandy….

Anyway, they finally found the humans, down south near their old quarry. And what a set they are! The cleric killed the weak ones, but the strong ones got away. They’re dangerously savvy – they shot at the druid’s familiar when she went to scout, and appear to have vanished into the trees. Perhaps we should hunt a bit more carefully from now on, or enlist the local animals?

Major (7-9 HD):

  • Woman in heavy metal armor, with a rising sun crest. Cleric or Paladin?

Moderate (4-6 HD):

  • Leather armor man, with a polearm – Druid?
  • Hairy man, in chainmail – a fighter or barbarian?
  • Thin man, with a goatee and no armor – wizard or sorceror?

Minor (1-3 HD):

  • Banded mail man, with the same rising sun.
  • Unarmored unremarkable man.
  • Elf! with a bow!

So, we dropped the tower on them! It was a glorious plan, using an instant pit and soften earth and stone! Except….the whole tower didn’t fall….and they weren’t in it. But still! At least we got their tax stamp. (Alan apologizes for the state of my adventuring blue balls.)

Scouting a bit – found a second owl, who claims the druid is not good enough to mate with, but no sign of the adventurers…. and the day ended with the spotting of some hill giants.

Bullet points:

  • Nuked some Crenshawr.
  • And some Bugbears. Maybe leftovers from the earlier tribe?
  • Made nice with some ogres, then sent them off to try to kill the wizard with the dire cats.
    • Probably can kill him now ourselves…
  • Found human tracks at the old hut.
  • Found humans at the old quarry down south.
  • Killed some, tried to drop tower, but the high-level adventurers are nowhere to be found.
  • No idea what’s up with the giant chest of drawers.
Three - Continued Journals of Snaga.
Honest Demons and Fleeing Nagas? Or, Here, puppy, puppy, puppy...

(Written in vaguely magical runes and a pigin of Goblin around the tower.) Those idiots. The second they’re gone, haring through the woods, the demons show up – apparently we’d only paid back taxes, and actually owe 50 a month. Thankfully, I had the silver chest lying around – too heavy to carry, to little money to be interesting. They didn’t take even a cent extra, though, which is interesting. I wonder what happens if we can’t pay them exact amounts – a gem worth 55? Do they carry change?

(As an aside – do they fly home each time? Can we track them? If they’re collecting from everyone in the valley before returning, we could knock them off on the end of their route, for hundreds, even thousands, of gold…hm.)

So, apparently they ran into a Naga, and it nearly ate them all. They chased it into it’s lair, and it charmed Bus, avoided the rest of the party, then fireballed anything that stood still. As if that wasn’t enough, it bit them so badly that they needed to beg the Elves for help, and burn a lot of our stash of alchemical plants dealing with poison.

Licking their wounds in the wood, they heard a fire giant bagpiping in the darkness. (At least, they claim this. Perhaps sketchy herbs? Who knows.) Hm. About that time, an emaciated hellhound snuck in to steal food – I wonder if that’s related? Ah well; left him some food out back.

The dwarf had interesting news – The humans sent a ‘bunch of individually capable’ humans to deal with the ‘Tiny Elf’ menace – we asked that he misdirect them to the beach cabin, but we will have to deal with them…later.

They made some more undead, and charged down to thump the Naga, at which point we discovered she’d roped in an Ettin, and we pulped it. Obliterated might be more accurate. (Also, we really need to find some way to shield the Druid from magic – some per day invisibility perhaps?) The Naga fled, so we looted, and ran – ah, Goblins.

- Nagas suck. But more big undead thump them well.
- Humans starting to hunt tiny Elves.
- Demons are super honest. And we’d only paid back taxes. New receipt!
- Didn’t kill the Naga, but did get her loot and mulch the Ettin she had there.
- Maybe befriend the hellhound? And definitely kill the humans.
- Maybe get better at crafting?

Two - The Journal of Snaga, Omniscient Narratrix.
(Or, the Druid and the Hot Spring)

I don’t see why we try these half-baked schemes – they never go well. They tell me they spent all this effort sneaking up on this longhouse, only to try to convince the goblins living in it that ‘the daemons had made their lawn go all wonky’, and the random goblins showing up outside just happened by, and, oh, look! They can help with that pesky lawn…. Yeah.

Turns out, however, that, in addition to not being that gullible, they’re actually pretty genial – glassblowers for the local ‘cat wizard’ – our invisible-tower flying carpet guy. [The cat-man apparently protects the valley.] And they were nice enough to trade – they like alcohol, unsurprisingly.

Galumphing on south-ward – the Druid’s sundries scouted the Elves, and, rather than giving us information about them – the wolf rolled over for belly skritches (they have a Druid of their own, who was apparently more persuasive than ours, talking to Roo). A little more reliable scouting from the Druid discovered that the Elf village has two higher-level folks, but is otherwise just a peaceful bunch of folks (with magical toys – arrows, an amulet, and a circlet) that we decided to leave unmolested. (Yes, they pay taxes, too.)

The Elves put us onto an ancient mansion with a Yellow Musk Creeper – which we promptly ransacked, stole creeper-pods from, and torched. Two nasty little plant-Trolls, which we mauled (the Barbarian Smash!) and salvaged for bones.

Sadly, the Elves knew nothing of Vampires or Rustmonsters. So we’re back to the dwarf, really.


  • Longhouse is glassblower goblins. Will trade for booze.
  • We’re waiting on a full alchemy set from them – 150 GP for the druid’s toys – one week wait.
    • Super expensive toys, this druid. :P
  • Cat-faced wizard lives in the tower – we sent him a note that we’d like to trade with him.
  • The Elves don’t like us, and don’t know of any other Elves.
    • They do, however, like the druid (mostly).
  • Minor magical hot spring in the elf camp – and 20-odd elves, two with meaningful levels.
  • South, ancient ruined mansion, which we mostly torched to kill the yellow musk creeper.
  • Got a bunch of plants and booze from there.
One - The journals of Snaga, the Survivor
On fishing, Hill Giant snogging, and things not to desecrate.


After we killed off the harpy’s minions, she (sensibly) is nowhere in sight. The birds work for her, apparently; little informants in the trees (but the druid may see to turning them to a more useful purpose). After that rock-slide, I’m not going with the party – better to stay here, where it’s safe, yes, safe…..well, sort of. The tax demons may…no, better not to think about them coming by.

Steve (the hippogriff) is back in his stable, seeming suitably abashed at his following the harpy into the woods.

Notes from later in the week (from the party):

Generally, just waiting to get the supplies from the Dwarf before venturing into Furion’s lair (or, what we think is his lair). Count me out. I’ve survived too much to go poking my head into mystic death holes.

Went to see the Orcs that Pyre noticed in the woods. Or rather, the Orc – apparently, he and Baughb had a fascinating conversation about fish and mushroom wine in broken Goblin (this despite Gorag speaking perfect Orcish) – He’s been here for three moons, and came from off the island originally; seems nice enough, for an Orc. The longhouse belongs to a woodcutter family we left mostly unmolested (they pay less taxes than us! Only 10 gold, so we took some peaches, and informed them they’d paid the ‘Kobold Tax’).

Killed off a basilisk – I don’t know what the hype was about, but Pyre seems pleased with the alchemical nasty bits – and another thing off the witch-list (she seemed very out of sorts this visit – I wonder why?)

One of the grimlocks showed up – no luck with their cave/Underdark so far, so we pointed them to the kobold’s caves. They promised to keep an eye out for any rustmonster bits (or Vampires and/or Elves) – friendly little blind fellows – and their wine packs quite a wallop. (Note to self: Work on setting noisemaker traps all around the tower the next time the party wanders off).

There’s an shrine to some god or another – font of holy water, if you like that sort of thing. Nice to perhaps use on those demons, later. Not like we can make any, ourselves, so let’s keep it for now.

Found and searched the horse statue, killing off a cockatrice on the way, but nothing remarkable, really. Heading down to the alleged Elves (why a party of sensible goblins would go looking for Elves is beyond m-…oh, wait, I did say ‘sensible’ didn’t I? Never mind). Then encountered some hill giants (Note: Not Ogres. Ogres are just meaner, bigger Orcs – they can barely lift most boulders. Hill giants throw boulders. For fun!) Luckily, they seemed more interested in each other – in a most unnaturally wet-sounding way. Ew. They did say they’d found some ore of note, though – perhaps looting them later would be advisable? Nasty business – amazingly strong (more than the Minotaurs, or the Trolls; we would want a potent poison for these).

Further south, came to a long house with smoke curling from the chimney – left that alone for now. Pyre says she’s seen a cluster of huts that look promising for the Elves, in the direction the adventurers mentioned – hopefully, we can skin one fairly easily, and be down to only two things needed for the witch – the Rustmonster and the Vampire.

RaaahhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaGHHHH! (Now, I'm pissed off.)

By the pit! We’ll eat them alive for this! /Ahem/ We gots ta begin at da beginning.

We was roamin along, eatin and squishin grots (da cats taste dam gud, even if dey do make da scream face lots). Da last ting dat wants to eated us was da humies, so we hadta squish ‘em, too. (Gotta squish all the humies, else dey come back. Like Ma’s toe grot, they is.)

So da tree-hugger made with the poisons (never eatin’ her cookin, ever), and we waited; even shiv’d a couple a humies that came into da trees. Was gonna bonk one and make ‘em think plague killed da rest, so dey wouldn’t send more (brainy plan from da leaf-girl), but dey just hit in da fort.

So we snuck up on ‘em. Dat magic guy makes it so dey can’t see me, and I speak excellent human, so we arranged for a pyrotechnic distraction on the opposite side of the fort and I climbed the /cough/ climbed da wallz and bash da gard in da tower. Da rest of the greens were climbin da wall, but da humies sees us, and dey womped on our heds. Da tree-witch came out of da mists right into da fighter-bad, and he skooshed her. Poor leaf gurl. mebbe I put you bak together again….hm….which way does da noze go?

We wuz gonna flee, but Bus skooshed him right back, and we gots da gate open (da gate…with da undead beasties outside), so we womped dem. Dey got a flyin gurl that spits holy lightning, and de good bone-kin didn’t like dat (poor bonie #1), but we torched da place good, grabbed all da stuff and charged off into da wuds (coverin da traks, course). Gots to go bak and skoosh da rest. Dat cleric, specially.

Bak at da tower, sortin tha loots. Now, where is da un-undead-em kit….


- Killed some howler/fear cats.
- Went to go whomp on some humans that Pyre poisoned.
- Pyre bought it to a critical from a 7th-lv fighter.
- Sandy and Barnabus then each got a critical of their own, and fighter is now goo.
- The Magic-user appears to no longer be there. They clearly have a Good-aligned cleric, now…should be able to detect her, easy, but must keep in mind that she can detect me, too.
- Didn’t get all of them. ~4 of the low-ranking ones fled, and the caster, too.
- We really should have eaten the human bodies. Free food, eh.
- On the way back home, ran into some more fear cats. Scared them off? At any rate, they didn’t attack. )


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